I really thought I had been on the path to gain confidence, but today self-doubt reared its ugly head.
Truthfully since I have been thinking more positively, my confidence has been increasing. Although I have anxiety, I put myself “out there” based on my comfort level. I praise and reward myself for accomplishing little and big tasks, or for at least trying.
Being critical hurts me, and yet it continues to happen. I have started taking driving lessons. I feel okay behind the wheel, like with anything it will take time before I am completely comfortable. This is a big step in the direction of more independence; I am excited and anxious. New drivers are meant to be anxious, and I am aware when I feel it. However, I suppose I have internalized my level of pressure because I suddenly became choked up after the lesson. I wanted to ask my instructor if he thought I had made progress since the first lesson last week. Yet, I could not even say progress without tightening my lips and having that knot in my throat, which resulted in tears. Why do I bully myself?
A couple of days ago I proudly told my friend how well I thought I was driving, so why the outburst? I know I need to be patient and not be hard on myself because I am learning. I am proud of myself. I am proud of myself. I am proud of myself.
Yes, I have made, and will continue to make, mistakes. My instructor calmly informs me of mistakes as well as positive feedback. Calm mannerisms relaxes me even though I am a bit anxious. For some reason I internalized my mistakes as being bigger than reality, and blocked out the positives.
Commonalities between driving and life:
Patience
Confidence
Comfort
Bullies (self and others)
Anxiety
Proving yourself wrong
Little Writings 